Focus on sex

6 September, 2016

These questions can be used in a number of ways. Here are some brief instructions:

• If there are two of you or you can break up into groups of two, take turns asking each other the following questions. Set a timer and interview each other for approx. 15 minutes each.
• If you are more than two, you can also discuss these questions as a group. Start by selecting a moderator. The moderator starts by reading the instructions. Take one question at a time, going around the group, then open up the discussion for all.
• The point of the exercise isn’t about saying the “right” thing. It’s supposed to give you the chance to share your views and experiences, to listen and be supportive. Don’t interrupt each other and try to listen actively and encouragingly, don’t criticize. If you’re brave and generous, it’s a much easier process!
• Go ahead and finish up with a round of questions about how it felt to discuss these topics and talk about what kind of goals we can set going forward with this work to change things.


Warm up questions! Just answer yes or no!

• It’s okay for men to cry… at football games
• If I have a child, I want it to be a son
• I have no problem with wearing a skirt to work
• I want to be like my dad
• When I hug a guy, I finish it with a pat on the back


QUESTIONS

Which emotions do you associate with sex? Are there both positive and negative feelings?

Possible follow-up questions: feelings before/during/after. Is it ok to feel scared or nervous?

Do you have someone who you talk about sex with?

Possible follow-up questions: if yes, who and how. If no, have you wanted someone you could talk to?

Do you feel like there are expectations for you as a man regarding sex?

Possible follow-up questions: Have you felt pressure to perform? Peer pressure?

Can you talk about a time where things didn’t go as you expected?

Possible follow-up questions: How did you feel?

Where did you learn what you know about sex?

Possible follow-up questions: did your parents tell you about the birds and the bees? Sex ed in school? From porn?

How do you know when someone wants to have sex?

Possible follow-up questions: people say that men and women speak different languages when it comes to sex, how do you find a common language? Is it possible for two people to have different expressions / needs that make it impossible for them to have sex together?

What scares you when you’re about to have sex?

Possible follow-up questions: Is it socially acceptable to be scared?

Is it manly to have had a bunch of sexual partners?

Possible follow-up questions: Do you think you’re influenced by this idea of the hyper sexually active man?

CONCLUDING QUESTIONS

What kinds of dreams do you have for yourself as a man when you’re 40?
What about 60?

What do you wish you knew as a young man… when you were 13?